Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Stuck in a Dry Situation...

(19): Got arrested last night. The cops confiscated my lube. Awkwaaard

Gray Matter

And They Call it Sisterhood...?

(157)So, apparently, my leg hurts because I am in love with my dead sister’s husband. Wtf.

(157): I hope you feel horrible about yourself

Be All That You Can Be

Word Play

(88): We exchanged the word “fucker” for “mother” in a whole day’s conversation, and got put off the Number 5 bus by an irate driver

Cool Whip!

(135): Armand got super drunk last night and told people at the bar that his “cock is worth its weight in gold”

(135): Then some guy told him to weigh it, and he just whipped it out. Not gonna lie…it kinda turned me on

Sorry bout it!

Playing with Fire...and Myself

(71): What did you do to the fireplace?

(71): Nothing

(71): Oh, really??? Cause it looks like someone jizzed all over it

(71): The Moor did it…

I got 99 problems...and they're ALL bitches

(146): How did your date go last night?

(146): Well…I think he’s bad luck. While we were hooking up outside my house, my dad almost died

(146): That’s what you get for being a slut

Freudian Slip

Toot It and Boot It

(91): Just so you know, I may have a restraining order issued against me

(91): Goddamnit, Jean-Jaques! Were you caught jacking off again?

(91): Yeah…and this guy wanted to fight me with a sword, but I told him I was a mentally deranged prince, so he let me go

Masochist Monday

Sadistic Sunday